My next-door neighbor

This is one of my favorite pictures I’ve ever taken.

Grandma's porch in March

This little snapshot of southern goodness is the house next door, my grandma’s house.

I know, it really should be on the cover of Southern Living. Maybe an album cover? Just waiting for the right opportunity to come along to cash in y’all. I’ll even license it out to the Levy County travel bureau, if there is such a thing.

In a single shot, (On an iPhone no less. And yes it’s been run through an Instagram filter, calm down.) this picture just emotes all kinds of warm fuzzies. It captures the exact emotions I will always want to feel when I think about her house. Spanish moss swaying, azaleas blooming, late afternoon sun making everything glow and warm and hazy. Sigh.

Kanye did say it best:

And the weather’s so breezy

Man, why can’t life always be this easy?

Obviously the rest of the song isn’t applicable.

Anyway, this picture just gives me serious nostalgia.

So, I don’t visit my grandma as often as I should. Part of it is complacency I suppose. She’s right next door; I can visit any time, I tell myself.

But I rarely visit.

I’ll be hanging out with her more often in the coming days and weeks and months. I plan to share her stories on here now and again, mainly so I can get back into the habit of writing and storytelling.

Because right now I feel like this is a how-now-brown-cow, unique New York kinda moment. And I’m hoping I can revive that magic ~voice~ and tone this blog carried several years ago.

Clearly, these posts are not heavy reading or laden with angst or intellectual, between-the-lines innuendo. That’s not the point of this thing anyway. It was never meant to be  something that dissects the neo-political links between art and government. Or something like that. Not that those things aren’t important. They just won’t be found here. Probably. I don’t know. Maybe one day when I’m feeling super smart or something.

No, this is just basically me talking about things that are irreverent, yet still important. Trying to figure out stuff.

And dang, if I can’t do these things on laurenirizarry.com, where can I do it?

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Here by the owl

About nine or 10 years ago, I decided to join my rural high school’s FFA chapter. For the uninitiated, FFA stands for Future Farmers of America. Yes, the club of the Napoleon Dynamite variety.

I remember wanting to join because the club’s advisor*, Mrs. Smith, asked if I’d like to sing at an FFA state convention. At the time, I was really into singing. I mean, she asked me about joining FFA at a God and Country rally where I sang either the National Anthem or God Bless the U.S.A., or something else featured on a ’90s TIME LIFE CD compilation. Really playing to the demographic.

*Yes, AP Style says to use adviser. However, for fact error purposes, I followed what the FFA uses in its media.

Naturally, I signed up the following school year.

Now FFA is actually a great organization, whether you’re in the city or in the middle of a hay field. My best (and some of my worst) memories of high school deal directly with that club, the subject of which will be the focus of future posts.

I found out that FFA was, as oft quoted by Mrs. Smith, more than “cows and sows.” There were leadership opportunities like holding an officer position or competing in our beloved CDEs (career development events) in areas of public speaking and the like.

One of the first CDEs every fall was the Opening and Closing Ceremonies. The contest was quite literal – reciting the opening and closing ceremonies of an official FFA meeting. Every FFA organization has a set of officers, from president down to the sentinel. During the opening ceremony, the vice president takes a roll call of each officer, and the officer responds with a little speech. It’s just about as thrilling as it sounds.

Well this was a serious contest for the middle school set, and our middle school chapter made it to the state competition the year I joined.

You should know that I was not part of this team. Not until I became the “understudy” for the Advisor’s part.

As it turned out, I would be needed at State. Awesome.

So I had the part memorized, which was pretty long relative to all the other officers’ bits. The convention was held at some hotel in Orlando, and the contest itself in a big conference room. The room was laid out in a funky way, more circular than we were used to, with columns forming an “inner circle.” Spectators sat toward the back and in the “outer circle.”

Not to mention the other teams were sitting in as well, provided they had already competed.

Mrs. Smith readied us in the hallway, making sure our jackets were zipped to the top, straightening ties and scarves and snatching hands out of pockets. (A big no-no).

“Bronson Middle School,” announced the moderator.

We filed in single-line style, dropping off officers at their designated post as we snaked around the room.

The advisor is the last officer to recite a part. So I was like the clean-up batter, if you will. The closer. Everyone basically exhales after I speak. Too bad that after I spoke it sounded like someone let the air squeak out of a three-day old birthday balloon.

The vice president looked to me.

“The Adviser?”

“Here by the owl.”

“Why stationed by the owl?”

“The owl is the time-honored emblem of…”

Boom.

Just like that, I blanked. It was like I never knew the part from the get-go.

“Uh, it is the…”

And then a thousand thoughts raced around, dizzying in their number and speed. It was like I was playing whack-a-mole on speed or something in my brain.

I have no idea what comes next. I don’t even know what I’m saying now. I’m not sure where I am. It’s also incredibly hot in here. They should really re-think these jackets. Good Lord am I still talking?

To be honest, I don’t know if I actually finished the part. I must have mumbled my way through something and regained composure enough to ask the vice president for his part.

As soon as we finished, I remember immediately going to the bathroom and ugly crying. Like sobbing to the point of not breathing. My face was red and my head throbbed.

My pride was hurt, and I was so upset that I let this team down who worked so hard to get to state. No, we didn’t place. I don’t think we got called to the stage at all. I bounced back later in the week, of course. But that was my introduction to public speaking. My first time in the spotlight.

That’s how I got started in FFA.

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Domo arigato

I’ve realized that over the course of the past two years the major tenets of journalism — the superiority complex that happens when you write on deadline and write like a boss, the cycle of procrastination and the inevitable denial of being in said cycle, and the general nosiness, nay, delicate stalker-like abilities — have really taken root. I had another paper for my Modern Design class to write the weekend Alice visited.

I surprised myself by actually going to the library on the Friday prior and getting books (and reading them!) and checking them out to review again. Then I went par for the course and waited until the day the paper was due to actually write it. Noon struck and I had a little less than five hours to write 1,500 words. It was then that I read the references on Wikipedia for my chosen topic and realized there was a book I desperately needed to make my paper sing. Of course the book was in the not-close-by library.

Four hours to write a paper?

Still researching?

Challenge accepted.

I stormed out of Metrogate and headed to the tube station with the agility of a lemur and the speed of Usain Bolt. (Are lemurs even agile? They are the first animal I thought of when composing my anthropomorphic analogy.)

As soon as I got to the right stop, I busted out of that station as if I were George Costanza and the place was about to burn to the ground.

What’s that, random survey guy seeking opinions? Sorry, I’m on deadline.

Oh, you’re trying to ride your scooter down the crowded sidewalk, small child? Out of my way — I’m on a mission.

Once I got to the library (which was even FARTHER than I thought), I stepped inside only to be unprepared for the amount of technology that would greet me. Do you remember that scene in the Brave Little Toaster where all the old appliances are being bullied by the creepy new ones?

I am the vacuum cleaner in this situation.

I found the book I needed in less than a minute. Of course, the book that I needed was a large, child’s-size book that featured a cartoonish depiction of the Underground station on the cover. I expected it to say “Mind the Gap” when I turned the page. This will be fun to carry on the tube.

One thing I noticed was the absence of a check-out counter. After scanning the room I remembered the hi-tech kiosks at the front. They looked like a body scanner for books with a touch screen attached. I followed the instructions and scanned my library bar code, slid my book into the blue-lit book scanner, then watched in awe as everything was done instantly and a receipt printed with not only the book I just checked out, but the other two as well that I checked out from a different library.

Modern wonders pushed to the back of my mind, I bounded out the door and down the steps and back to my room in record time, punched out the paper in record time, and printed downstairs in the dungeon in, well, normal time.

Fast forward two weeks later.

I decided to take all of the books I had on loan back to the Jetsons’ library. Back inside, I found that I was to return my books via conveyor belt that pauses for one second to scan the book and plop it into the bin on the other side. When I got there, one lady was in line returning books. She was flipping through them to make sure she didn’t leave any notes or papers inside, which is fine. She finishes and I step up and do the same thing. I only had three books to return, including the Golden Books version of the London Underground, so not a big deal. I do the same thing, quickly flip through the pages just to double check.

And then, I heard a voice.

“You should’ve done that at home.”

What just happened.

“Sorry.”

I continue to flip through my last book just because. “I just wanted to double check,” I said over my shoulder to clearly one of the original residents of Chelsea.

“Exactly,” she replied, rolling her eyes.

Lady, where exactly do you need to be in such a hurry? It wasn’t like I was turning each individual page of “War and Peace.” Geez.

As I huffed angrily back to the tube station, I was getting annoyed at everything and everyone that got in my way. Groups of people standing around talking. Moms walking their kids back from school. Couples holding hands who refused to break their death grip, forcing me and others to walk around them. Then an older man, already walking slowly, stopped and bent down right in front of me.

Uslkdfjlsdjflask, REALLY?

He was picking up a £20 note just hanging out on the sidewalk. AKA $32.

Serves me right.

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